Konnichipaw, my cataholics. Award season is right around the corner…fur-real. Until then, let’s throw claw-sion to the wind and review the ESPY Awards red carpet fashion from Hollywood Cati-fornia.
1) Ciara, how are ya. This feisty female is feline fresh in her fancy dress. This meowsician wowed the competition in her fashion mission. Rocking pink this minx looked like a sphynx. So much clawvage on display, it made this reviewer say ole’. Russell Wilson is one lucky dude to be married to someone sporting so much cattitude.
2) Lindsey Vonn, c’mon. This fancy feast of fashion was fur-real. Her pantsuit was skin tight alright and it had this fashion reviewer up all night. This tabby looked not too shabby as she aimed to paw-lease. Tiger’s old flame is anything but tame as she paraded in a braid. This perfect pussycat is ready to pounce.
You know why it didn’t work out with Lindsey and Tiger? I heard Tiger was a Cheetah.
3) Who’s next in the red carpet style but Gabriellie Union complete with her smile, unfortunately for her she fur-got her style. This naughty nag seems trapped in a garbage bag. Her sheer black dress appeared to be putrid plastic. If that’s not all, it gave this reviewer a fur ball. It might seem like a diss but this look was amiss and made this reviewer boo and hiss.
4. Looking for some men? No need to worry. We’ve found Steph Curry. The Cleveland Cat-a-liers crushed his crew and busted your bracket. So, Steph is sulking in a crushed velvet jacket. This ugly shade of blue belongs in a zoo sweeping up the lion’s poo. This prissy purr-ince took pajamas to the party, you have to be kitten me right now.
5. Usher Raymond was too cool to dress up, around his neck was a golden nut. A maroon jacket and a black t-shirt, this review is going to hurt. This look is con-furs-ing, cat-astrophic, and quite simply needs to be put out of it’s mew-sery. Paw-don me, Mr. Raymond be-claws it seems your fashion has gone mi-hissing.
Meowzers. So there you have it. From top to tail the hits and hisses of the ESPY red carpet. Some looks were left in the litter and some climbed the meown-tain of fashion. So stay tuned for the next edition of Mr. Catwell…it’ll be purr-iceless. Cat’s all folks.