If you want to do federal time, just say that

A postal worker in Rhode Island is safe and sound after a terrifying experience. Back in November four drug dealers accused him of stealing their package of cocaine. Yes these idiots were shipping their drugs through the post office which if you didn’t know can get you up to 10 years in prison. The drug dealers then kidnapped the man and forced him to take them to his house. Once they realized he was innocent they let him go, but not soon after that they were caught and charged with kidnapping and other drug related charges. Listen if you want to to catch a federal felony and spend forever in jail just say that.