Simple Simon

A man in Pittsburgh stole a $30,000 HARP . . . took it to the riverbank . . . removed his clothes . . . jumped into the river . . . and needed to be rescued. The man is okay, and it sounds like the harp is too.

A guy in Wisconsin got arrested after he was caught driving under the influence while 21 TIMES the legal limit. He had a previous DUI, so the "legal limit" for him was 0.02. But even by the normal standard of 0.08, he was more than five times the legal limit. His blood alcohol was 0.427.

A 29-year-old woman in Florida was arrested after she allegedly stole a coworker's light blue Stanley cup. She was reportedly overheard saying, "This cup would be great to hold my breast milk."

A 41-year-old woman in Louisiana is facing charges after she went skinny dipping in her neighbor's pond . . . told cops she was "trying to be a mermaid" . . . and then attacked one of them. It's sounds like alcohol may have been a factor.

How do you still your baby mother's car while she's giving birth to your kid?! A man in Kentucky is facing auto theft charges after he took off with his ex's car while she was in labor.

A rogue capuchin went full rock-star chaos in a Tennessee guitar shop, trashing instruments and sparking an hours-long “monkeyhunt.” After police enlisted the public and scoured Morristown, the tiny troublemaker was finally apprehended—ending the jam session he definitely wasn’t invited to

A man in New Jersey is in the dog house and jail house because according to police he used his wife's Homeland Security Car to pose as an officer.

A plane had to circle an airport for an hour all because the air traffic controller was asleep!

There are more legal ways to find your phone. A Florida woman pulled a gun on neighbors for stealing her cell phone that was actually in her car.

Getting caught stealing is one thing, but asking the police to deposit your stolen money....that's next level stupid

A man thought it was a great idea to pick a fight with the warriors...I mean servers at Waffle House

A 24-year-old man in Oklahoma was arrested after robbing a liquor store last Friday . . . armed with an ANTIQUE GUN. It was an "old-timey musket" from the 1800s. Thankfully, no one was hurt.

A 46-year-old guy in Ohio got arrested after he went to the drive-thru at his local bank and deposited DRUGS by mistake. He was using their pneumatic tube system and dropped a bag of METH in the canister.

No good deed goes unpunished.... A man in Georgia tried to rescue a rabid raccoon and you guessed it, it ended in disaster. Thankfully he is ok but the rabid animal had to be put down.

Big Brother is watching, four people in South Korea used hacked security cameras to make unauthorized sex tapes.

A 21-year-old guy near Chicago got arrested on Thursday after he ended a Thanksgiving fight by setting fire to his family's HOUSE. The home suffered major damage, but no one was hurt.

Police say two suspected burglars turned a break-in at Mon Cheri Restaurant into a late-night love scene — all caught on camera.

Tallahassee police arrested 38-year-old Joshua Hidalgo on Monday morning after he allegedly stole a forklift from a local school and used it to carry away an ATM during an early dawn ride through residential neighborhoods.

Talk about selfish...Someone decided it was a great idea to vape marijuana on a flight from Boston to Tampa and that caused the flight to be turned around and cancelled