Simple Simon

A Florida man was caught on camera sneaking two expensive steaks out of a grocery store . . . by stuffing them down his pants.

A police department in Dublin, Ohio has fired its police safety robot named "DubBot," after it "did not lead to ANY arrests, cases, or tickets."

Clearly he likes jail: A young man in Canada was arrested after showing up to his probation appointment . . . in a stolen truck. He was a passenger, but when the cops stopped them, both he and the driver were arrested.

Guess the birds and the bees conversation is going to happen earlier than expected....A woman baked a cake for her son's birthday . . . and since he was turning eight, she decided to make it in the shape of an "8." But it ended up looking more like boobs. She said she was inspired to share a photo after the phallic "9" bread went viral earlier this month.

Police in California are investigating a road rage incident that ended with one person hitting the other over the head with a ukulele. Both drivers left the scene . . . and it doesn't sound like there are any suspects yet.

A thief in San Francisco used a Waymo as his "getaway driver." And since there's so much surveillance and a digital trail, you'd THINK this would be dumb, but it's been six months, and they still haven't caught him.

A Judge in Atlanta is facing an investigation over her having sex during work hours in her office

Two schools in Tennessee held their graduations outside during a massive rainstorm

In Florida, a man on a motorcycle was arrested after leading police on a high-speed chase earlier this month. He was clocked at 120 miles per hour . . . and he was dressed as the Easter Bunny at the time.

A man in Washington was arrested for stealing the "O" from the word "POLICE" on the police department sign just outside the station. It's unclear what the point of that was.

A mother on Instagram is going viral for explaining how her daughter has CAR RANCH. She just gets extra packets when she's at a fast-food place, and is totally cool eating it, even if it's been in her car for months.

Police in Florida are investigating two burglars, who hopped a fence at a high school . . . messed around on bicycles and other equipment . . . and stole "100 hot dogs and ice cream."

A hospital in Canada is suspending SURGERIES . . . due to an "ant problem." They say they'll resume once they deal with all these ants.

A 34-year-old man from Florida was arrested last month, after allegedly stealing a car . . . and driving it to the Sheriff's Office. He originally said he was driving to his mom's house, but apparently had a change of heart.

QOTD: Why would anyone steal $80,000 worth of Mac & Cheese from Chick-Fil-A? Today's Simple Simon used an elaborate scheme to get back at his former employer.

A New York woman has been convicted of first-degree assault and criminal possession of a weapon, when she threw a stick of dynamite at her boyfriemd.

A 43-year-old man in Florida was arrested on Tuesday, after he assaulted a male employee at a Subway restaurant, because he was "upset about the hardness of his bread."

A drunk driver in Ohio was pulled over for driving too slow last month. The police spotted a cup of alcohol in the car . . . and the woman said that she "needed the booze to stay awake."

A man was sentenced to seven months in jail in Singapore . . . after he tried to cheat a watch shop by selling them a Rolex he thought was fake. And he still has to serve it, even though the watch turned out to be REAL.

A 25-year-old woman in Florida was pulled over after speeding in a residential area at 123 miles per hour. When the cops asked her why, she said, "Honestly, it's a Supra I thought I was okay to go fast."

A man in Pennsylvania is wanted by police for clocking into work and clocking one his coworkers

A Florida woman crashes out at a Subway and throws cookies and the cash register on to the floor over peppers being on her sandwich.

In another attempt to get of jail early, Diddy has filed an appeal stating that the "freak offs" were amateur adult films.